Seeking, I am. Found, I have.

For the past year or so, I had serious doubts and questions about myself as a software developer for Apple’s platforms. What do I, as a developer, hope for in these platforms in the future? Is Apple working in my best interests to create amazing products? Can I really enjoy developing for these platforms in the face of adversity? What does Apple really mean to me, and how have they become a part of my identity?

At first, I felt that I had decent answers to these questions, and that I wouldn’t need to worry about whatever happens in the future. This year, however, showed me that I didn’t quite have a solid foundation to stand on. Apple’s response to the European Union’s Digital Markets Act and, in March, the Department of Justice’s announcement of a lawsuit against Apple for anticompetitive practices shook me to the core in ways that some find unfathomable. How could such a giant megacorporation and their actions affect me as an individual so much that my own identity is being questioned? Surely, I’m just a victim of zealousness and being a hard bootlicker, right?

When it became too serious for me to throw to the back burner, I made the unusual decision for me to switch from using my trusty MacBook Pro and iPad to a Microsoft Surface Pro. My fellow peers didn’t think much of this decision and thought therapy would’ve been a better solution for me, but I figured that divesting enough would allow me to rebalance myself and come to this problem I’ve been having with fresh eyes. Suffice to say, I think this decision might’ve been the best move I could make for my own mental health. The Surface Pro had liberated me from need to constantly interact with (and worry about) Apple, day in and day out, allowing me to explore the other side and focus on myself in a healthier way.

On top of this, I had playing around with the Playdate game console since the beginning of this year, and I worked on developing some titles for it, such as porting Package Resolved to the console. Later, I began work on what eventually became What the Taiji?!, a pure Lua project designed to bring the world of Taiji to the Playdate. Development became fun again; I had the same feeling of excitement, ease, and creativity that Apple’s SDKs had provided for so long. The community has also been very friendly and quite receptive of the stuff I had been working on, and I felt so honored to be a part of it. I still greatly enjoy our hangout sessions we have every Friday night, and it’s amazing seeing what others have come up with.

In late November, my Type Cover for the Surface Pro stopped working correctly, and I needed to send the accessory in to Microsoft to get it repaired. Unfortunately, due to the bad timing, this meant that I wouldn’t have a means to type anything while I was away for the Thanksgiving weekend, so I decided to take my MacBook Pro out of the closet, give it a couple updates, and prepare it for Playdate development on What the Taiji?!. After having to restore the MacBook via DFU mode, I found myself using Nova again, and it was such a pleasant experience to work with alongside the Playdate. That sense of fun in development was still very much alive on the Mac.

After using the Mac for the Thanksgiving weekend alongside my iPad for any tablet-related tasks, I thought long and hard about the experience and where I stand today. In that time, I’ve come to realize a few things. One of the biggest things I realized was that the community of Mac users, especially around developers, was such a big draw for me as a developer. While you can find some quality Windows apps if you look hard enough, they can’t compare to the vast array of Mac, iPhone, and iPad apps available, developed by folks ranging from small independent developers and small businesses to bigger names and open-source projects. And, damn, do they feel just right to use. Just to name a few, NetNewsWire, Nova, Things, and the Affinity suite are excellent Mac apps that embrace the platform so well.

Through this, I also realized that my draw into developing for Apple’s platforms also aligned with what led me to Playdate in the first place. There are tons of high-quality games and apps for the Playdate that feel just right, and it’s got such a strong caring community around it that help and support each other. Despite the negative press Apple’s been getting in the news and social media, I’ve felt that sense of community when talking amongst my iOS developer peers. It simply didn’t feel as strong given the criticisms and negative commentary.

Thus, this leads me to one of the biggest realizations of all: I still enjoy developing for Apple’s platforms, despite all that. Sure, I may be wary of current and upcoming regulations and am not convinced those approaches will fix the developer relations issue Apple has had for years, but I shouldn’t let politics that are out of my control dictate what I should and shouldn’t enjoy. Likewise, I don’t necessarily have to agree with Apple on every decision they make; I’ve had my fair share of complaints about Xcode, and I too get frustrated about Apple’s responses to some of the legislation being enacted. I also have my doubts on the success of Apple Intelligence given that we still haven’t addressed the various ethical and environmental concerns of the technology.

However, I value the community and the experience more than anything else. Apple had a part in that, and for that I’m grateful, but it’s the friends I’ve made along the way and the sense of community that drives me to develop for Apple’s platforms. And it’s perfectly okay for me to not be “just Apple”. That sense of community and friendship exists in Playdate, and I’m more motivated than ever to take part. On top of this, if I never need to take a break from Apple again, I still have my trusty Surface Pro, which I continue to use for gaming and 3D rendering with Blender.